I bet he comes in French.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
