Plan B is the new Plan A
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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