what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
