Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
