remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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