i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
