some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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