R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
farters have to be the big spoon...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
