drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Everclear isn't food dammit
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
