If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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