why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
