I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
