I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
