Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
