and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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