I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
