So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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