Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
