she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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