if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
