It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
