Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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