but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
