i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
