New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
