My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
