I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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