rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
