I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
