i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
