he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
