There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
