The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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