Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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