Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
