I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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