So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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