so explain again why im purple
no
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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