She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
