I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
