it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
