Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
