this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
