I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
