now i know why i became what i already was.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she peed on how many people?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
