My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
