So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
