She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
