I wannas sexs uuuuu
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
