So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
