I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
